And I Saw Me

I know it has been a ridiculously long time since I’ve written, but… okay, I really don’t have an excuse worthy to be read, so I’ll just go on.

This summer was beautiful. Prague absolutely fantastic, and… I loved the time I spent there. If you ever get a chance to visit, do, because it is the experience of a lifetime. Adding to that the time with my family, and meeting new friends, I just… I couldn’t have asked for more.

But when I came home, my life took a bit of a different turn, and this turn ended up being the highlight of Summer 2012.

I came home stronger than I had been. I knew who I was, or at least, I had a better idea. I had grasped a newfound love of God, and depth of relationships with my family that I would never have had without that trip across the ocean. And, I had allowed myself to feel everything I had held on to for so long… 

When I was in Prague, I was being poured in to, and when I came home, I was given the opportunity to turn around and give it out to others. 

Church camp.

A few weeks after I got home, camp started. I’d never gone to a camp before, and I loved it! For the first week, I was a camper. And then I spent the next three weeks being a counselor to younger campers experiencing a summer’s highlight of their own.

I’ve never been a part of something so wonderful in my whole life…

God gave me the opportunity to pray with a little girl as she accepted Christ… sat with her little body in my lap as she prayed for Him to be the Leader of her life.

I held the hands of girls who poured their hearts out to me; some of which were truly terrible things that they, “had never told anyone before”. I watched as God used messages and songs and verses to not only give them the confidence to open up, but the courage to take His Word as truth. I watched as He healed little broken hearts, and wooed children to Himself.

I’m still in touch with several of the girls from my groups, cabins, and from just hanging out during free time. God really is working in them… And He gave me the chance to be a part of it all! It was just… the best month. Though it was the messiest, longest, most emotionally, physically, and in all other ways draining month in my life; all of that seemed to add to it all! I cleaned, served food, stayed up late, got up early, and had to be “on” all day long. There were names to remember, personalities to mesh, hands to hold, words to be said, and words to be listened to. There were songs to sing, messages to take in, and devotionals to read and re-stated in simpler terms to a group of children I had only known a few days

There are so many stories I have to share from these weeks, but right now, I want to simply share one. I’ve been itching to write it since it happened! So I guess it’s time to finally share.

During the Middle School week at camp, there was a little boy, G.C., who was a sweet as sweet can be. He was always smiling, and always seemed to have something new to talk about. His dad was a counselor as well, and their relationship was precious. You could see the love in how they talked to and treated one another.
G.C. was and is wonderful, and his disability almost seems to add to the person that he is. I’m unsure as to what his specific disability is, but he has trouble doing most anything at all. Even a regular conversation can be a struggle for him. That doesn’t hinder G.C. though… no, not at all. And because of that, I have truly grown to admire this young man.

On the last day of the week, the kids were on their way home. Parents and children alike were running all over the place; grabbing this last thing, thanking that person, grabbing, losing and then re-finding their extra children. Music was playing through the giant speakers on the stage, and small groups of unclaimed kids were dancing along, playing basketball, or engaging in their own little games.

Then, music stopped, and one of the men’s voices was heard. He announces that G.C. has something to share…

Through great effort, G.C.’s voice rose out over everyone, as he told his story of how God touched him one night during the week. The details were lost to me, but I knew the core of his words. God had showed Himself to G.C….

Listening to his voice, I marveled, “Wow God…” I thought, “He is so broken… yet You were able to touch him through all his problems. You are so mighty. It amazes me that You could even do that! I mean, I know You made G.C., but… You got through to him, despite everything! How? That’s just… wow, God… You are… so… so powerful…”

And then, mid-marvel,  a quiet voice spoke to my soul… and this simple sentence knocked the breath out of me, and brought tears to my eyes:

“You see how broken he is on the outside?… that is you on the inside.”

Oh… wow…

My eyes were locked on G.C.. Instead of his wheelchair, I saw my scarred heart, bruised and broken from every lie I’ve forced myself to believe. Instead of his hands, I saw my own, covered in the dirt of my own pride and self-centeredness. As his mouth formed struggled sentences, I saw mine; pouring words that have hurt more people than I could ever stand to know. I saw my anger. I saw my hatred. I saw my stubbornness. I saw my scarred arms, broken from trying to hold the weight of the world, instead of letting God hold it for me.

I looked at G.C…

And I saw me.

And as I saw G.C. proclaiming his miraculous revelation of whom God is… I saw myself, proclaiming from my brokenness, that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me enough to reach down through all my junk… and reveal Himself to me.

That’s love, guys. That's love.

           

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