I wrote this over a year ago, and decided it was time to go ahead and post it:
It's the end of March, and everywhere I look there are fuzzy bunnies popping out eggs and pastel colored chicks sitting in fake grass looking fresh and neat and clean. Sometimes you see a white cross with a purple tapestry hanging from it, to signify what Easter is really about.
Our Savior, Jesus Christ, rising from the dead. It means so much more than that one miracle... It is the greatest mark in the history of mankind. Sin has died! And we can rise again; pure, clean, alive.
I look around myself. I've got the song, "Such great heights" by the Section Quartet playing in the background. My foot is half asleep, I've got my hair down, black tank top on, and I'm biting the inside of my lip. Every time I move, my bracelet rubs against the laptop and makes a noise just loud enough for me to know that it's there.
I'm alone.
It's quiet here.
There's a part of me that wants to cry and never stop, because there is so much around me that I'm unsure of. I'm scared of putting faith in anything I hope to be sure, only to find later that "sure" was the only thing it wasn't... Yet there is another part that wants to laugh forever, because, though things are confusing and life is such a vast mystery, life itself is so beautiful. And God is in all of it. I mean... I wish I could show you the sky last night. It was alive with stars. Like every soul on earth was rejoicing and the heavens themselves could not contain their praises of the Lord.
Tonight it is not that way. The sky is grey and lonely. It's almost as if it isn't there at all. I heard it is going to rain tomorrow, but anyone could have figured that out just by looking up.
I realized something the other day... Proverbs 3:5 says, "Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding." Not on my own understanding... It's so easy to say you're trusting God when things make sense. When life seems to be working out well and it all just clicks! It's so simple. Resting is easy.
But... when things don't make sense?
I think we give up so many things because instead of trusting God, we think "That doesn't make sense to me... so I'm going to do something else". And "something else" might be a fine option! But... what if you're giving up God's best, simply because it didn't make sense to you?
I realized in hearing Proverbs 3:5 that my understanding of things doesn't even matter! It doesn't matter if I understand anything at all!
"Lean not on your own understanding", don't even lean on it! Trust God, and don't put your weight on understanding things. It doesn't matter whether things make sense to us, God just wants us to follow Him. He promises to deal with everything else...
That brings me back to Easter.
When Jesus went up on that cross, I don't think anyone understood what was going on. Most people left Him. He was a dying fake who had lived a lie and was now paying the price for it.
Think about Mary, His mother, as she watched Him... She must have been so heartbroken for so many reasons... and Joseph! And all of Jesus' disciples... we know what happens next in Jesus' story, but at the time, they didn't.
It didn't make sense until He rose again. And even then, it was probably still very confusing! But all Jesus asked was for His people to remain faithful, and He would do what was needed to make everything okay-- even if it meant rising from the dead.
I think about the sky tonight. Though it is not as beautiful as last night, it will bring rain, which will fill the earth with life, and soon the clouds will fade away, the sun will appear, and a richer, fuller earth will give praise to the Lord.
Everything makes sense one day.
And tonight, I take comfort in knowing that I don't have to understand. It's not my job. God has it taken care of.
