To My Brother's Baby

Hey little baby, 

You should know that I knew something was wrong.

That was the only option.

My big brother is many things, but proficient in electronic communication is not one of them. He doesn’t usually call, never calls twice, and rarely leaves a message asking for my time.

I called him back, walked outside, braving the humid South Georgian air; one arm wrapped around my waist, the other holding the phone to my ear. I wondered why so many people were outside when air conditioning existed elsewhere.

He answered on the fifth ring. His voice sounded normal; deep and smooth. “Uh, hey Mel, I just wanted to tell you something.”

“Okay, what’s up?”

I bit my lip… waiting…

“Well…You’re going to be an aunt." 

And everything stopped.

The dancing bugs, the twist in my stomach, the chatter of too many people in too small a space…
I'm going to be an aunt. 

Immediately I felt the beginnings of a heavy love; a very heavy love, and a hope, and a joy. 

You will be born in November; a beautiful month of change and color with the endings of seasons and the beginnings of new things. Always remember that you will be born in a time of change; that change means the promise of something more. 

You will be born into a crazy world of expectations and brokenness and difficult choices, and I'm sorry for that. I wish I could guarantee that every day would be sunny, and evening thunderstorms would always feel like the earth groaning peacefully after a day well done. I wish I could guarantee that you will laugh forever and never bruise your elbows, scrape your knees, or feel the breathlessness of a broken heart. But instead I can guarantee that not only will you experience these things, but they will be tiring, and stretching, and sometimes baffling—which is a special kind of confusion that never seems to find the right words.

But I can also guarantee that you will not experience these things alone. You will not be the first to think, “nothing has ever felt this way”, or “I don’t see how this could ever be okay again”.

You are to be born into the chaos of a family, with more personalities than we know what to do with and more love than we know where to put. Sometimes we will hurt you, and it's okay to tell us when we do. You can trust us, knowing first that loving someone does not mean you won’t hurt them—in fact, we’re humans. We tend to hurt the things we love. But that is neither an excuse to be cruel nor a justification for apathy. Instead, it is a truth to keep you humble, ready to extend the grace you will receive when it is your turn. Know that conflict is scariest when it's avoided, and that, at the end of the day, the seven of us have stuck together this long, and the eight of us will be together until the end.

Loyalty and the art of never giving up are two beautiful qualities that you will learn well from our family. 

Know too that whatever joys the Lord brings your way will be celebrated. We celebrate loudly, excitedly, with embarrassing amounts of enthusiasm, (especially my Mama, your grandmamma. She’s always great for a happy dance and on-the-spot song that makes you feel like a champion.)

I'm so excited to meet you. I'm excited to get to love you, to watch you grow, to be part of your life from the beginning.

I'm excited to watch you grow my brother. He will be a dad, and he will be a great one. Don't expect him to get it right every time-- he won't. But God fulfills everything, and there is beauty in relying on Him when humans act like humans. Thank God for providing an earthly father like my brother. Devotion and love and loyalty and kindness and all of the beautiful, quiet things we take for granted until they are not there-- these are the things in which he is rich. Remember that. He will prove it time and again, but remember it when he fails. Know that he will be harder on himself than you ever could be. Have grace, dear one. He's never been a daddy before, and you will have never been alive before, and those two things are funny things that require growth and joy and hope on both ends. Know that he and your mom both will love you with incredible tenderness. I’m excited to watch, as they grow even closer together through caring for you.

Remember that every day is a gift. There is always more good than bad, and optimism is a strength. Sometimes the most effective reaction is to laugh and be thankful that second chances exist. You’re not a failure just because you’ve failed. “Alone” is a lie, which is a comfort and a responsibility. Never take a sense of humor for granted. And know that loving people faithfully is not actually about the people—it’s about the Lord.

More than anything, remember Christ. 
I have such joy in expectation for meeting and getting to know you. I can only imagine how excited God is for you to be here, to begin living the beautiful life He has planned for you. I pray that you come to know Him soon. He is a good Father. I'm excited for you to learn what it is to be safe in the promises of the Lord. I’m excited for you to learn what it is to be in a family. I’m excited to learn what it is to be an aunt to someone as precious as you.

I can’t wait for November,

For ending this year knowing you.

See you soon,

Aunt Melissa