Learning to Love

I was driving back to my campus after spending the day at home. My music was playing softly in the background, but I wasn’t paying much attention to it… He was here. God was in the car with me.

He hadn’t magically flown in from Heaven for a special meeting. It wasn’t even that He came looking for me. It was just that I was in a place where I wanted to see Him. My heart was quiet, and I was able to simply acknowledge that He was there.

I didn’t feel like praying about anything specific. It was simply one of those moments where I needed to know He was there. I missed Him. And in those moments, when my heart aches for His Presence and I acknowledge that I’ve been distracted lately and focused on the wrong things and I admit my longing for Him to come fill the void… that’s when I can really enter into His Presence with no other mandate than to simply be.

That’s what was going on in my truck on my way back to campus. I was just… with Him.

For the first few moments, it was really nice to just exist together. I breathed a simple, “Hey God…” and let myself feel the comfort that always comes when I’m aware of how near He is. I welcomed the soothing, gentle peace along with the soft humility and for a while, we just drove.

And it was nice.

After a bit, I finally wanted to talk about something I’d been wrestling with from that morning... The idea of love without conditions.

It’s a vice I’ve struggled with so many times. The moment I think I’ve got it taken care of, I wake up the next day and all my insecurities have come in full force to take control again. And unfortunately, I usually let it happen.

I struggle with the idea that I can be loved without looking and performing a certain way.

It’s hard to not admit the very real part of our world in which appearances, lifestyles, and decisions tend to determine how much affection a person gets and how much time they’re worth.

And I think if I’m completely honest, sometimes these things determine my love for other people. It’s harder for me to love people I find abrasive or taxing. It’s hard for me to be as approachable with people I don’t necessarily “click” with. It’s just hard.

So, I tend to compare myself to the way that I know, deep down I sometimes compare other people. There are times when my love has limits. There are times that it is determined by the other person’s actions.

So, I know that God loves me and always has, always will, and that He chose to. But there are times when it is difficult to believe that the things I do, the things I say, and decisions I make really won’t affect His love for me. 

That isn’t to say that I believe that the things I say, do, and choices I make won’t affect whether or not He is pleased with me! Because the things I do have consequences. God is displeased, greatly saddened, and jealous of our idols when we choose things over Him—and rightfully so! But it is hard for me to believe that those wrong choices never lessen His love for me.

This time, driving in my truck back to campus, was the first time that I think I ever really grasped the idea that He chose to love me.

He chose to love me, not because I’m special or because I’m going to become something great or because I am anything at all! In fact, what I deserve and should be getting from Him is eternal separation. I don’t deserve love.

I don’t deserve love.

I don’t deserve anything.

So, since I already don’t deserve God’s love, automatically there is a removal of any possibility that my choices or my mistakes could make any difference on that love. I, along with the rest of humanity, was already at rock bottom. We’re all so very undeserving.

But He decided for Himself that He was going to love us. Titus 3:4-5, “But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy…”

That’s just one example of how clear the Bible is that God’s love has nothing to do with what we do, and has everything to do with who He is.

It’s ludicrous to think that after I’ve been at the bottom, deserving the worst of the worst rather than the best of the best, that me or my actions could determine the great love of my Savior. He chose to love me because He is God and He can.

He doesn’t love me for the fact that most days I remember to have a Quiet Time. He doesn’t love me because I’ve written a few worship songs. He doesn’t love me because every once in a while I’ll put on my Good Samaritan hat and go sit with the lonely person at lunch. He doesn’t love me now for what I could be later if I follow all the rules and do the right thing. If any of these things were true, then His love would be determined by my actions. But no…

His love is unconditional.

He loves me just because He chose to. It is His choice and there is nothing I can do to escape that love, and there is nothing I can do to lessen it or to make it greater.

God is Love. 

When He chooses to love someone there is no measurement of that love because He is Love itself. There is no “I’d love you a little bit more if…” He just loves.

It is His choice and it is a choice made independent of the kind of people that we are. He loves us because He loves us and that’s it.

And as I began to think about this, I realized that Jesus asked us to love one another the way that He loves us.

But sometimes it is very difficult to separate the actions of another person from our choice of love. It is really easy to make excuses for deciding to not love someone; to decide that they don’t deserve it.

But the thing is, because God has decided to love us when we didn’t deserve it, we have no grounds to look at another person and say, “you don’t deserve to be loved”, or “I choose to withhold my love from you”. We don’t have a basis for that! We, the most undeserving, are loved by the One who has the most right to withhold that love.

The way we love other people should not be determined by their actions simply because the way that God loves us is not determined by ours.

That doesn’t mean we need to be unsafe, unwise, or thoughtless as we minister to others. We have common sense for a reason! We need to be wise.

But there is a difference between making wise choices with time, energy, and safety, and just being judgmental.

I’m also not saying we shouldn’t hold one another accountable, or that we ourselves can live however we want to because God will just love us anyway. As I already said, our actions have consequences. God is displeased with disobedience. Sin is never excusable.

What I am saying is the fact that He chose to love us gives us a double sided call to put away our insecurities, and to love others.

That’s a big, beautiful responsibility.

And as I’m sitting here thinking about the fact that God chose to love me, I am humbled and in awe of who He is.

I am also greatly, greatly challenged by my lack of love for others.

I’m challenged and embarrassed by the areas in which I fall short, and I do fall so short. And I know, I know, that I’ve only seen a glimpse of God’s love. This is just a minuscule portion. But I do know that it is who He is and loving others is what He has called me to.

Proverbs 17:17a “A friend loves at all times”.

Matthew 22:39, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself”.

1 Corinthians 13: 2b-3, “…If I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing”

In John 13, after Jesus has humbled Himself to the level of a servant and washed the disciples’ feet, He was at the table for the last supper. Judas has left to finalize his horrible plan to betray Christ. Jesus turns to the eleven men surrounding Him, and says (specifically about loving fellow Christians), “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

1 Peter 4:8-9 “Above all, keeping loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sin.”

God has told me to love others and because of that, I need to do it. It needs to be a genuine love for others that comes from Him, through me, and reflects His character; untainted by my selfishness, prejudice or misplaced priorities. 

And just like every other thing God has called us to, He hasn’t left us alone to figure it out by ourselves. I am so thankful that He is here to help me learn to love. He’s willing and available to teach me to not see people as decisions that they make but as objects of His affections.

That’s a thought I’d never really digested before… that people are objects of God’s affections…

And it is such an honor to be able to love something that my Savior loves.

It is an amazing opportunity to be able to interact with people that God adores.

And what better way to learn about the love of God than to allow it to shine through us to others…

Our Constant Creator

A few nights ago eight friends and I went up to the top of a mountain. Getting up there was pretty rough—the road was graveled and bumpy, the night was dark, and it took enough time that we all began to wonder if we were ever going to get there.

Once we reached the end of the bumpy road, we had to walk through the woods. Our phones doubled as flashlights as we dodged hanging limbs and steadied ourselves over uneven footing.

Laughter and muffled conversations was the noise coming from our little corner of the world.  For a bit, we were louder than we probably should have been. Although, once we emerged from the path onto a gigantic rock overhang, a hush fell over us all.

The lights from our little college town shone brightly against the darkness of the night. From streetlights to supermarket parking lots, the valley below us was sprinkled with glorious golds and whites, proving that when the sun sets, our days continue on.

Above those lights there was a deep darkness. It began almost pale as the reflections from below intermingled with the emptiness. But as it rose, the darkness deepened until it gradually grew into the backdrop for a canopy of stars.

We sat on the graffitied ledge and took it all in.

Conversations began around me, and the feeling of normalcy was coupled with our awe. A shooting star was seen, then two…

I was mostly silent…

The longer I sat there, feeling the constant wind from the edge of the mountain, the more in awe I became.

As I looked up I couldn’t help but recognize the fact that all of this—this beauty, these shooting stars, this brilliance that surrounded me—this would be here whether I was there to admire it or not.

God’s creation on this night would be here, even if my loud group of eight had decided to forego stargazing.  

It would all be here even if, at the end of the night, not a single person had given a thought to the sky.

God is constant. He will remain and be wonderful and awe-inspiring even if I choose to never recognize Him again…

God’s magnificence is not limited to my ability or willingness to look at it.

So often I am tunnel visioned. I’ll be focused completely on my situation, on my to-do lists, or on the people around me, and I’ll miss God and His handiwork surrounding me.

But eventually, at some point, I’ll be stopped in my tracks. I’ll look around and see something like this beautiful scenery, or read a passage in the Bible, or just realize that my spirit is missing Him; and when I finally do look around, I see that God never stopped working.

His work, His glory, His creations, every day in every moment in every breath we breathe, He is there. He never stops being Himself. He never stops creating beautiful miracles.

He never halts the sun’s rising or setting. He never silences a baby’s first cry, or ceases a flower’s bloom, or calms a crashing wave just because the people surrounding these beautiful things will not appreciate them.

And He will never stop being intimately involved with the details of my life. He’ll never forget to lead me in the way I should go. He’ll never be too distracted to listen to my prayers. Even when I’ve gone a whole week distracted and distant from Him, He never once leaves me.

He is always. He is forever true. He is constant.

And I am so overwhelmed at the thought that this is the God I serve. This constant, indescribable, loving God is my Savior.

And I am beyond honored, deeply humbled, and completely astounded that I am able to know and serve Him.