First 24

Well, I'm here. At college. Yippee. Huzzah. Mission. Accomplished.

After a 7 hour drive, my family and I arrived on campus. My little brother stayed home, but the rest of the 6 of us were here. The car was so crammed...

Pulling onto the campus itself was a bit more than a little stressful... Downloading the campus map on my phone and trying to figure out real world compared to the drawing on the internet of streets and such was...less than fun.

My two roommates and I showed up at about the same time. We all said hello, and, good news! I don't think either will kill me in the middle of the night and blame it on my socks...

My older brother, little sister and Dad were so wonderful and ran back and forth from the car to my new second floor dorm room with all my junk.
I was so afraid I would have a gigantic amount of stuff, and my roommates wouldn't... thankfully, we all had a gigantic amount of junk. So it was good.

My parents and brother went to Walmart to pick up a few more things, and my sister stayed and helped me organize my things. She decided that she did not like the way I had folded my shirts, and very decidedly moved them from the shelf I had originally placed them on, folded them "The right way" and put them in the shelf she thought was best. It was in that moment that my stomach dropped a little at the thought of saying goodbye to my hilarious and strong-willed little sister.

My family returned with two bags of extras, and my sister made us wait to say goodbye because she "had to make sure this looked good.". I love her. so much...
A few minutes passed, and my sister's mission was complete. The 5 of us walked outside, and I hugged my mom who was beginning to tear up. Then my sister, then my brother, my dad who prayed for me, again my mom, and then my dad again. I hugged everyone once more. Mama started to walk to the car, while my sister teased my dad that she "got the last hug.". "Bye Mel," she said finally, "Don't flunk out. I love you!"

I was tearing a little, but they were still there! It was okay.
But then...
They all got in the car. Without me...
And they pulled out of the parking space.
The car accelerated, and I realized that they were really going.
And I was alone...
Mama waved. Dad waved. I waved.
The car turned.
I couldn't see them.
And suddenly, I couldn't breathe.
I stood there until I couldn't see the car anymore.
There was a group of guys waiting for the bus watching me. I smiled at them weakly.
'This is normal' I thought. 'This is good. I'm okay. This is natural. This is college. I'm fine."
I walked back into the dorm hall, down to the hall bathroom, walked into one of the stalls, locked it, leaned against it, and cried.
Not much.
But that empty, lost feeling got a hold of me for a minute and I couldn't stop it.
It only lasted a minute though, until I told myself to stop. I whimpered a little, bit my lip. Then I stood up straight, wiped my eyes, took a deep breath, held it, and let it out.
I could do this thing.
It'll be okay.

I went back to the dorm and talked with my roommates as I continued unpacking. I joked about all sorts of things and I pretended that I wasn't scared.
After an hour or so we were called for dinner. Our dorm met up with our brother dorm and walked over to the Rot, (the dining hall). I found my cousin, and I hugged her so hard. Plus the two other girls I met while I was up here for a College For a Weekend retreat-type-thing. They remembered me. I felt cool.

After that, I met a few new people, and we all headed over to the Vine's Center (another building on campus) to watch Star Trek. I sat next to a guy I had met just then and the roommate who'd I'd hung out with all afternoon. Our other roommate had met up with some of her other friends and we couldn't find her during the movie.
My friend from home, (other than my cousin, the only person on campus I knew when I arrived) showed up about halfway through the movie and the guy I was sitting next to moved down so my friend could sit with me. I was exhausted, and looking forward to getting back to the dorm. So, when it ended, I walked with my friend and my roommate to the bus stop. My friend had to take the bus back to his dorm, so we said goodnight and made a lose plan to hang out the next day. My roommate and I managed to walk in the opposite direction of our dorms and by the time we realized our mistake and walked back in the direction of the dorms, we had almost walked the length of the campus. Yeah. It was my fault. I'm not good with maps...


Today, in the Vine's center we had all sorts of booths set up. It was a get-to-know the city type thing. It was really helpful, because I got information about banks in the area, churches in the area, a buttload of coupons, and information about possible job offers from places looking specifically for college students.

I have met many new people, but I feel a little creepy giving them nicknames and writing about them on here, so I'm just going to leave it at, "I've met new people!"

And that's about all for now.

The first 24 hours of college?
Complete.

Thinkidy Thoughts

Just for fun, I decided to write down some of my thoughts while packing for college:

"Packing...  Is just basically the joyous experience wherein I get to touch every article of clothing I own in one extremely long sitting...yay...."

"Is this even worth bringing? No... not really... But do I give it away? It seems so disloyal to give it away. If this shirt was a person it would call me a horrible friend. I am such a bad person."

"This song is driving me up the wall, but I have my entire drawer of teeshirts in my lap and it is just too much effort to get up and change it. I hope it ends soon.".... <30 seconds later>...."Never mind, it's totally worth it."

"So many socks..."

"I do not have enough room for all of these socks."

"Oh gosh, I'm gonna cry. Is it normal to cry over socks? I don't know. Probably not... why do I have so many socks.... I love socks..."

"Children are starving in Africa, and I'm crying over socks..."

"I'd like some goldfish... but I don't want goldfish breath... and I don't want to get up... So I won't."

"My roommates are probably going to be evil and kill me in my sleep. They'll blame it on the socks too. ' I was just sleeping in my bed when I heard a crash, I looked over and she had choked on a sock and fallen off the bed.' and people will believe them because I'll have so many socks that my only logical downfall would be to die tragically by my love."

"Why do I only have one mitten?"

"I will not take the Sesame Street sock."... <Literally 5 seconds later>... "But it has a name. It should come."

"My Mom is the best woman I know."

"Why in the world do I have four bathing suit cover ups? I know that I have purchased none of these... Where did they come from..."

"'Don't you know you're special, Don't you know you're special... Let them see your heart, let them see just how beautiful you are...'"

"I think my spine may just peel off of my body and walk away."

"My fingernails are truly too short to peel off this sticker... This is unfortunate...."

"I'm really glad I made a pile of junk in front of my closet. That was awesome thinking, Melissa. Really. Just... awesome."

"I am really loved... And I want to open these letters now."

"I need to wash my hands... they have that haven't-been-washed-in-a-while feeling."

"Why is my nose running?"

"Magnifying glass... why would I need this? But if I do need it, I'll feel really dumb to not have it... It's tiny. I'll bring it. I guess. Should I? Ughhhhhhughugh.... Fine. I'll just bring it."

"That's it. I'm not going. I'm not going to college. I give up. I'm just going to stay here and suffocate and die beneath my gigantic mounds of crap."

"that was a truly unfortunate noise my body just made. I don't even know what that was! How did that happen..."

"If my body was a person, I have a feeling they would be a rather fascinating."

"A goat just curled up and died in my mouth. I need a piece of gum. In a desperate sort of way."

"Q-tips are God's way of letting me know He still loves me..."

"I really want to take a nap."

"My bangs are out of control."

 "I really appreciate men with muscles."

"Coke Zero is the best invention ever."

"I think I'm a crazy person. I really just think I'm going insane."

...<And only a few moments later>...

"Wow. It's all done."

And so it is.

Preparing to Leave the Nest

Today was the three day mark…

Three days until I leave…

I’ve been excited about the idea of college for over a year now. It’s the beginning of so many things! Good things. 

But all of the sudden, it’s here. I had a month of camp in July, and it flew by, and now the days are racing and I can’t quite seem to hold on… I can’t hold on to my family, as we’re laughing around the dinner table… I can’t hold on to my friends, as they’re telling me little things about their life and I’m holding their hands in prayer… I can’t hold on to the young man I’m in a relationship with, when he creates a story out of nothing, just to make me smile. I can’t hold on. I know I’ll come back home in a few months, I’ll be home for breaks, but…

I’ll miss so many nights with my family, laughing around the dinner table. I’ll miss the look in my friends’ eyes that make me ask if they’re okay. I’ll miss moments that could turn into silly stories with my fellow… Though I’ll come back, I will miss so much while I’m gone.

And then there’s the fear of fitting in while I’m gone. I mean, right now I’m surrounded by people who both know and love me. I’m about to go somewhere that I’m not known at all.

Since third grade, I haven’t been in a formal classroom setting. Sure, we went to a homeschooling co-op, but I was being taught by my friends’ moms! And I’m about to go to a pretty huge college to be taught in a classroom full of a ridiculous amount of people, where, if I don’t make the effort to know my professor, I can easily just… not be known.

I’m living with two other girls that I barely know.

I’m gonna try to get a job at some point.

I’m going to be in charge of my own… well, almost everything!

It’s all so new.

And I’m pretty uneasy…

My Mama and I recently went to buy college things. I got a comforter, two sets of sheets, a desk lamp, an iron and tiny ironing board, a plastic set of drawers, and a handful of other strange things to make my college dorm my own. Aqua became my color!  And it was so much fun to be with Mama… But during the time of picking out the things I needed from the mass amount of comforters, sheet sets, lamps, and countless other things calling out to me; I began to almost panic. The uneasiness became truly real…

Today was the day I said goodbye to most everyone. My friends, my church, my fellow… It was hard… I cried a little, then decided to Man-up and wait until I cannot keep from crying to let go and finally cry. Right now though, I’m in a state of emotional stuffing, and I’m perfectly happy with it. Until the stress of everything hits me and I once again revert back to my Mommy-Daughter-Shopping-Day Panic.

And it is at this point that I have to decide to either let myself go into a mental world of stress while entertaining the unknowns of this next experience or to fight the unknowns, the stress, and allow God to quiet my soul. Sometimes, like today, it takes longer for me to give it up and allow God in. A couple times a tear or two fill my eyes before I blink them away and allow Him to remind me that this is His plan for me. I’m going where He wants me to be.He has lead me this far, and He will walk with me through every door during orientation. He will stand beside me as I shake every hand. He will calm my escaping tears when it’s too late to be awake on September the 12^th, knowing my little sister turned 15 and I won the good sister award by being 6 hours away.

He will keep me safe, when I’m not surrounded by the safety of my whole group of friends, and I’m alone.

And now, at this point, that uneasiness seems… altogether silly. Because though I’m leaving my home, my family, and my friends who have become like family, I’m going with the One Who has planned this whole thing!

I’ve never been in a better place, because I’m following the Leader who knows the answers to all of my uncertainties. Though it is new to me, it is nothing of the sort to Him.

And this time next year, I will be that much closer to being the person He has created me to be. And that?

That is exciting.