God has been teaching me a lot
about trusting in Him. I wish I could go into all the stories of how He has
proven Himself, but I want to get to the point of this post.
Something I just read in my quite
time was a verse in Isaiah 26. There have been several times where God used
this book of the Bible to change my entire view of something with just a few
short words.
The verse I would like to call
attention to is verse 3, which reads, “You keep him in in perfect peace whose
mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”
Something I’ve found is I want
the peace before I trust. I want the guarantee of safety before I fall.
I don’t want to trust God first,
because that means I actually have to trust Him. And trust is scary. If I have
a guarantee that He will be there to guide me and give me that “peace that
surpasses all understanding” then I could “trust” that He would help me
through. I could trust Him if I knew beforehand what to expect.
The problem with me is simply
this:
I don’t want to have to trust
that what He says is true. I don’t want to be dependent on only His word. I
want proof before I lay my life on His mysterious plans. I want to know.
A message I recently heard struck
me. The speaker said something to the effect of, “what we really want is
answers. What God wants is intimacy. But we only say we want intimacy with God.
When we are really honest with ourselves, we want to know the answers to our
questions so we can do it ourselves. We don’t want to need God.”
I realized that this statement
rings partly true for me. I desire an intimate relationship with God, but
sometimes what I want my answers, my peace, my assurance in life more than the
opportunity to better know and trust My Creator. In the moments where I have to
choose between really putting my trust in Him, and freaking out because I don’t
understand, I don’t see it as a time to let go and get to know God better, I
see it as a time where I become really focused on my own problems and I talk
myself into trying to wait for God to just show up and fix everything for me.
I’ve been looking at it all
wrong…
Another thing I have found is
that, for me, is more than one stage to trusting God… There is trusting Him to
take care of me, and for a long time that’s all I thought trust was. Saying,
“God, I’m giving this up to You.” But… I’ve found that for me, there is a stage
of trust that happens before that. I have to trust that God really means it
when He says He has the best in mind for me. I have to trust that His Word is
in fact trustworthy. Not only do I have to say, “God, I trust You with *fill in
the blank*” but I have to say, “God, I trust in who You say You are. I trust
Your promises. I trust that You love me, that You created me with a plan and a
purpose, and I trust that though I don’t understand something right now, that
You do. And I trust that You have a reason for keeping me from understanding.”
And only then can I say, “So God, please take my *fill in the blank*”
The next verse addresses this a
little bit, “Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting
rock.”
Rocks are firm. They are
powerful. It only took a pebble from David to kill a giant named Goliath. But
God isn’t just a pebble; He is an Everlasting Rock, the boulder of our salvation.
He will not be moved. His words are forever, His character is forever, and time
is not a point of worry for Him. He is all powerful, almighty, all knowing, all
loving, and the Master of this plan we call Life.
I have learned that these truths
are something I have to trust first, before I can manage to let the grip on my
fears go. I have to constantly, consistently trust God's promises. I can’t just trust
them when a Pastor says so in church, or when I’m reading my Bible. I have to
always know that God is who He says He is…
See, when I’m sitting with my
Bible, it’s easy to believe the words. But when I leave my sanctuary with
Jesus, and go into the world of discomfort, deadlines, harsh people, oversights
and under-preparation, self-consciousness and people who do not make it easy,
doubts and firm reasons to doubt… it’s hard to trust. When I’m standing on the
bus, and the guy next to me has definitely not showered, and I haven’t eaten
all day, I know for sure I’m going to be late
to my next class, and my little doubts and worries are rushing around my head
and I just want to throw my hands up and scream…
That’s when it’s hard to
remember. And that’s when I start to take back the things I said I trusted God
with. Those are the moments when I subconsciously wonder if “Just trusting” is
really enough, and those are the moments I start to lose faith in who God says
He is.
With brokenness, He can mend.
With wounds, He can heal. With doubts, He can calm. And when I don’t have
answers, He can become my resting place.
Not knowing is a blessing.
Because when I don’t know, it leads me into a state of dependence where God
shows me who He is Himself. And life isn’t about answers. I’m actually glad it
isn’t. I’m thankful that God knows me well enough to know that He has to
withhold things from me, so that I will search for Him in ways that I didn’t
know existed before. When I don’t have it all figured out, I find parts of God
I wouldn’t have known how to look for otherwise.
