"I Can Do This by Myself!"

I wasn’t trying to be provocative.

I wasn’t scantily dressed; and though I was dancing to the music, the fact that I possess very little balance on my own two feet, much less on roller blades, meant that I was less than graceful.

My hair was a complete mess at this point, and my make-up had long-since departed.

 I could feel my feet beginning to blister since we’d been skating for more than 3 hours; going around the same circle over and over and over again.

Honestly speaking, I was glad everyone who would have liked to take a picture was skating as well, because I felt large and completely unkempt. But, since no one was there to staple this moment into the books, or to video tape my clumsy skating, I was content just making faces at my friends and doing all that I could to avoid running over one of the little kids who also occupied the rink.

So, when a man that I assumed to be the father of one of these little kids motioned me over, I didn’t feel threatened at all. I didn’t look too good, especially right then, and I just figured he’d ask me a question about the rink, or ask my help with his kid or… something like that.

I stopped at the wall next to him.

We talked for a few minutes, during which time I came to find that he was a 21 year old who’d made a bet with his ‘buddy’ (who was also older than 18) on how old I was. The man told me openly that he just wanted to know, but… he refused tell me why. There was a part of me that felt like, “So… we’re in Kindergarten again? Cool.” But the way he said things, leaned in, looked at me… it made me feel odd, examined, and vulnerable. I wasn’t sure what was happening, just that it wasn’t good. He openly flirted, and it’s not like I’d never dealt with flirting before. It was just the way he said things, it made me feel uneasy and I quickly felt a strong desire to get away from him.

I didn’t make a scene, just smiled and replied to whatever he said to me. I made a joke or two, shook his hand and said that I understood the “Misunderstanding of my age”.

Then, with that break in our too-long conversation, I took my leave; skating over to one of my friends. I watched as the man and his buddy exchanged words. Then they left the rink.

I felt like I’d been victimized to the mental processes of this man. I knew what he meant by his words, the way he looked at me and spoke to me. He wasn’t simply curious. If I’m going to be totally honest about the situation, the man was curious as to whether or not I was 18 or older for… reasons not nearly as innocent as friendship.

I felt… dirty. It took a minute to set in, but when it did, I felt a flush of anger. “How dare he? How dare he?! I am not just a trashy piece of meat put on display for him! I don’t even know him!”

And there was a part of me that then looked inward, “Is this really what my actions and clothing cause men to think? Is this really the way that I am presenting Christ to the world? Because if it is… I’m doing a horrible job. I should be a light, not just an addition to the darkness…” I felt low, dirty, used and confused.

And as I told what had just happened to my friend, others from our group began to skate over.

I was basically done talking, and now I just needed to think for a minute. So, I skated away.

Evidently she told the others about the man, and soon enough I had my guy friends and brother threatening to beat the living snot out of him.

It was at that moment where I was struck with the stark contrast between males who live self-serving lives and men who choose to follow the Lord and use Him as an example of manliness.

You see, the man at the skating rink, he is what is acceptable for society. As you were reading, there was probably a part of you, or possibly all of you, which felt unaffected by my story. “He was just being a guy.” That is the mental excuse for guys all over the place.

Selfish, lazy, girl-chasing losers, they’re allowed to be that way because we make excuses, “They’re just being guys.”

Well… I say no.

I say that is completely wrong.

You know what, “Just being a guy” should be? The reaction my guy friends had. “Where is he? I’m gonna deck ‘im.” And they did not just react this way because I’m, “One of them.” They reacted this way because it is ingrained in them to protect women.

I understand that guys tend to protect their own, just as girls do, it is human nature.

But, when my friend looked me in the eye and said, “I honestly wanted him stay and try one more thing, just so I would have an excuse to punch him in the face for being a pathetic waste of male flesh.” It didn’t surprise me.

You see, God has blessed my life with young men who are truly becoming MEN. Not just males; but young men who are embracing the role of manliness as God has ordained it to be.

These young men- the young men I am privileged to call both friends and brothers in Christ, (and for one, both biological and spiritual… sibling-ship!)- They’re the ones who stand up and offer their chair to a woman if one happens to walk into the room. They’re the ones who carry heavy things for girls; sometimes just taking things from a woman’s arms because, “They can get it.” They’re the first ones to offer a girl their jacket on a freezing night, not because they ‘like’ her, but because… she’s a girl; a woman, a female. And she should be taken care of.

So, when a jerk at a skating rink makes a girl feel vulnerable, my friends are all over that. Not in a crazy, “We are men, hear us roar” way, but in a way that says, “Listen. That’s not right, and don’t make excuses. Either apologize or get out of here.”

Now, this is a call to women- girls, of my generation.

I know it hasn’t seemed like that this far, but… I’m getting there!

In describing my friends, I’m more than sure that there was a part of most girls that said, “Uh. I can do all of that on my own, thank you very much.” And I know from watching, seeing, and doing it myself, that most girls will say, “No, I’ve got this” when a guy tries to step in and give a hand. We, as women, feel so sure that we can, “Do anything they can do better, we can do anything better than them” that when a guy, a young one especially, tries to step in and be manly, we squash him.

“What?! You don’t think I’m strong enough to carry this myself?!”

“Um, no, if I was cold I would’ve brought my own jacket.”

“I can hold my own door, thank you very much.”

“I’m fully capable of pulling out my own chair.”

“I’m not a baby, I can do this.”

“Stop!!! Just let me do it! You’re doing everything wrong!”

“Go away. I don’t need your help.”

With these types of comments, we squash them. We raise ourselves up, because… we’re women and don’t need them anyway, right?

Wrong.

We’ve allowed society to become completely backwards, and it needs to stop.

When a guy pulls out a chair out for you, don’t treat him like he committed a horrible disrespecting act towards you, because it is quite the opposite.

By pulling out your chair, it’s his way of… taking care of you- for lack of a better term. It’s his way of being a leader through servant hood.

And that is exactly what Biblical Men are supposed to be- it’s what Jesus was! He was the Leader of leaders! Yet, it was He Who washed the feet of His followers. He knelt down and served all the days of His life, and death, through selfless love, and yet all the while, He was the Leader of leaders, the Lord of lords, the God of gods.

He was not a chauvinist Leader, He was a servant.

That is what men should be. They should be the first to step up to a position of authority, and treat that position as a great responsibility, all the while, not hesitating a moment to stoop to the side of one in need.

Now, the feminist movement has done lot for America. It has shown that we, as women, can be strong and we can support ourselves without men, if necessary. To an extent, I believe women should be this way. I believe women should be strong; we should have the ability and the drive to pull our own weight and then some.

I believe this is Biblical. Just look at the Proverbs 31 woman. She was nobody’s wimp. She worked all day, she earned money, and she even had her own business outside of the house! She was strong, and she helped to provide for her family! She bought land on her own! She was a strong woman.

But the Bible also says to be submissive.

That’s where the balance comes in; balancing Womanly Strength with our call to meekness.

Unfortunately, this is where feminism took over and why everything is backwards now. We focused on our ability to be strong, and through pride and self-satisfaction we “proved” (to men especially) that we can handle ourselves. And because of this we became bossy, control-freaks. That messed everything up.

Who are the majority of the Sunday School leaders in churches?

Women.

Who are the majority of teachers at schools?

Women.

Who are the ones on the PTA? Or on “The Board”?

Mostly Women.

Even in high school, who are the ones to coordinate dances and extra-curricular activities? Who are the ones most likely to volunteer to serve at high school fundraisers? Who are the ones most likely to pray publicly?

Girls. Women. Females.

We step up, beat men down, and they let us… Why? Because we tell them that we can “Do it better.”

So the vicious cycle begins.

Men try to stand up.

We beat them down.

Then we do the job the way we think it should be done.

We tell them how well we did.

Then we act surprised when a weirdo like me says, “Hey. Let men stand up” because by now we’ve beat them down to a point where they are no longer expected to stand. Ever.

Fathers become passive because any time they try to make a rule, they are overruled by their opinionated wives.

Brothers become uncaring because their sisters don’t need their, “Little brothers butting in.” And they also become wimps because their moms and sisters, (older ones especially), boss them around like there’s no tomorrow.

Friends become nothing more than an opposite gender attraction waiting to happen because now that’s all guys are good for.

Life takes a shallow turn where we are in control and men are allowed to be useless pigs.

We then treat them with disdain, we treat their lust for women like a horrific disease, yet we don’t help by wearing clothes that are practically painted on our bodies.

And when they try to stand up? When they try to take control? When they try to be men?!

What do we do?

We beat them down.

Then, where do we find ourselves?

At the skating rink when some guy motions you over. You have a conversation with him and realize that his thought process is not only considered “Normal guy behavior” but that it would not be shocking to many, if any at all.

The difference is, if we girls keep treating guys the way we do, then by the time we have daughters, they won’t have brothers or friends to look to. They won’t have Daddies to stand up.

There will be no one to stand up.

We women say, “Oh, I’ll stand up.”

Well… As great as that is, it’s not enough when it comes to a situation like- and much, much worse than- the skating rink incident. That man was obviously not threatened by girls, and most men aren’t threatened by us. At all.

I don’t care how big we think we are. We’re women. And one day, there will be a time when we will need someone to stand up, and we will look around to see that we have beaten down all the men around us… and we are virtually alone.

I am by no means implying that we should be doormats. As previously stated, I believe that is completely unbiblical. It’s wrong.

But, we need to be strong enough to admit that we are weak.

We need men.

We need men to be protectors, because we can’t always do it on our own.

It’s just the truth. And just as we can’t get through a good, happy life without leaning on them, they can’t get through it without us uplifting them and supporting their attempts to become the Godly men that the Lord has called them to be.

I’m not saying we need to bow to men.

I’m not saying we need to give them everything they ask.

I’m not saying we have to find them to get a job done.

What I am saying is to quit beating them up.

If a guy opens the door for you, swallow your pride, (which is all that little voice inside your head is) and enjoy the moment- enjoy being taken care of, then look that guy in the eye and say, “Thank you.” Smile, and go on.

Give them opportunities to care! It is amazing how safe and special it make you feel to be surrounded by a group of young men who would go out of their way to carry something heavy for you, or hold open a door, or beat up a jerk.

And (letting you in on a little secret) it makes them feel good too.

Whenever we do what God has called us to do, it makes us feel good. Maybe in the moment, when you’re overcoming your pride, it doesn’t feel all that great. But eventually when you can accept a generous offer of protection from a man without feeling like they are trying to take something away from you… then it feels good. Really good.  

And then one day you’ll look around and see that the little portion of this world that you call your own has gotten a bit brighter, because you’ve taken a backseat, and you’ve chosen to treat people in a way that allows God to be center-stage.

And that is exactly where He should be.