Learning to Love

I was driving back to my campus after spending the day at home. My music was playing softly in the background, but I wasn’t paying much attention to it… He was here. God was in the car with me.

He hadn’t magically flown in from Heaven for a special meeting. It wasn’t even that He came looking for me. It was just that I was in a place where I wanted to see Him. My heart was quiet, and I was able to simply acknowledge that He was there.

I didn’t feel like praying about anything specific. It was simply one of those moments where I needed to know He was there. I missed Him. And in those moments, when my heart aches for His Presence and I acknowledge that I’ve been distracted lately and focused on the wrong things and I admit my longing for Him to come fill the void… that’s when I can really enter into His Presence with no other mandate than to simply be.

That’s what was going on in my truck on my way back to campus. I was just… with Him.

For the first few moments, it was really nice to just exist together. I breathed a simple, “Hey God…” and let myself feel the comfort that always comes when I’m aware of how near He is. I welcomed the soothing, gentle peace along with the soft humility and for a while, we just drove.

And it was nice.

After a bit, I finally wanted to talk about something I’d been wrestling with from that morning... The idea of love without conditions.

It’s a vice I’ve struggled with so many times. The moment I think I’ve got it taken care of, I wake up the next day and all my insecurities have come in full force to take control again. And unfortunately, I usually let it happen.

I struggle with the idea that I can be loved without looking and performing a certain way.

It’s hard to not admit the very real part of our world in which appearances, lifestyles, and decisions tend to determine how much affection a person gets and how much time they’re worth.

And I think if I’m completely honest, sometimes these things determine my love for other people. It’s harder for me to love people I find abrasive or taxing. It’s hard for me to be as approachable with people I don’t necessarily “click” with. It’s just hard.

So, I tend to compare myself to the way that I know, deep down I sometimes compare other people. There are times when my love has limits. There are times that it is determined by the other person’s actions.

So, I know that God loves me and always has, always will, and that He chose to. But there are times when it is difficult to believe that the things I do, the things I say, and decisions I make really won’t affect His love for me. 

That isn’t to say that I believe that the things I say, do, and choices I make won’t affect whether or not He is pleased with me! Because the things I do have consequences. God is displeased, greatly saddened, and jealous of our idols when we choose things over Him—and rightfully so! But it is hard for me to believe that those wrong choices never lessen His love for me.

This time, driving in my truck back to campus, was the first time that I think I ever really grasped the idea that He chose to love me.

He chose to love me, not because I’m special or because I’m going to become something great or because I am anything at all! In fact, what I deserve and should be getting from Him is eternal separation. I don’t deserve love.

I don’t deserve love.

I don’t deserve anything.

So, since I already don’t deserve God’s love, automatically there is a removal of any possibility that my choices or my mistakes could make any difference on that love. I, along with the rest of humanity, was already at rock bottom. We’re all so very undeserving.

But He decided for Himself that He was going to love us. Titus 3:4-5, “But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy…”

That’s just one example of how clear the Bible is that God’s love has nothing to do with what we do, and has everything to do with who He is.

It’s ludicrous to think that after I’ve been at the bottom, deserving the worst of the worst rather than the best of the best, that me or my actions could determine the great love of my Savior. He chose to love me because He is God and He can.

He doesn’t love me for the fact that most days I remember to have a Quiet Time. He doesn’t love me because I’ve written a few worship songs. He doesn’t love me because every once in a while I’ll put on my Good Samaritan hat and go sit with the lonely person at lunch. He doesn’t love me now for what I could be later if I follow all the rules and do the right thing. If any of these things were true, then His love would be determined by my actions. But no…

His love is unconditional.

He loves me just because He chose to. It is His choice and there is nothing I can do to escape that love, and there is nothing I can do to lessen it or to make it greater.

God is Love. 

When He chooses to love someone there is no measurement of that love because He is Love itself. There is no “I’d love you a little bit more if…” He just loves.

It is His choice and it is a choice made independent of the kind of people that we are. He loves us because He loves us and that’s it.

And as I began to think about this, I realized that Jesus asked us to love one another the way that He loves us.

But sometimes it is very difficult to separate the actions of another person from our choice of love. It is really easy to make excuses for deciding to not love someone; to decide that they don’t deserve it.

But the thing is, because God has decided to love us when we didn’t deserve it, we have no grounds to look at another person and say, “you don’t deserve to be loved”, or “I choose to withhold my love from you”. We don’t have a basis for that! We, the most undeserving, are loved by the One who has the most right to withhold that love.

The way we love other people should not be determined by their actions simply because the way that God loves us is not determined by ours.

That doesn’t mean we need to be unsafe, unwise, or thoughtless as we minister to others. We have common sense for a reason! We need to be wise.

But there is a difference between making wise choices with time, energy, and safety, and just being judgmental.

I’m also not saying we shouldn’t hold one another accountable, or that we ourselves can live however we want to because God will just love us anyway. As I already said, our actions have consequences. God is displeased with disobedience. Sin is never excusable.

What I am saying is the fact that He chose to love us gives us a double sided call to put away our insecurities, and to love others.

That’s a big, beautiful responsibility.

And as I’m sitting here thinking about the fact that God chose to love me, I am humbled and in awe of who He is.

I am also greatly, greatly challenged by my lack of love for others.

I’m challenged and embarrassed by the areas in which I fall short, and I do fall so short. And I know, I know, that I’ve only seen a glimpse of God’s love. This is just a minuscule portion. But I do know that it is who He is and loving others is what He has called me to.

Proverbs 17:17a “A friend loves at all times”.

Matthew 22:39, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself”.

1 Corinthians 13: 2b-3, “…If I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing”

In John 13, after Jesus has humbled Himself to the level of a servant and washed the disciples’ feet, He was at the table for the last supper. Judas has left to finalize his horrible plan to betray Christ. Jesus turns to the eleven men surrounding Him, and says (specifically about loving fellow Christians), “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

1 Peter 4:8-9 “Above all, keeping loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sin.”

God has told me to love others and because of that, I need to do it. It needs to be a genuine love for others that comes from Him, through me, and reflects His character; untainted by my selfishness, prejudice or misplaced priorities. 

And just like every other thing God has called us to, He hasn’t left us alone to figure it out by ourselves. I am so thankful that He is here to help me learn to love. He’s willing and available to teach me to not see people as decisions that they make but as objects of His affections.

That’s a thought I’d never really digested before… that people are objects of God’s affections…

And it is such an honor to be able to love something that my Savior loves.

It is an amazing opportunity to be able to interact with people that God adores.

And what better way to learn about the love of God than to allow it to shine through us to others…