Two Hands.

I think someday there will be someone who won’t leave.

I think someday there will be someone who will see me as worth fighting for.

I don’t think they will be without fault,

Or fear,

Or struggles that make that fight a difficult one.

I simply believe they will be willing to fight.

That’s all I really want.

I want someone to see me as worth that fight.

Fear is only as big as you let it be

And struggles only win when you give up

And insecurities can find their rest within confidence gained through knowing that God is right.

But I don’t want to be worth that fight just because of who I am, because

it isn’t me.

I’m broken,

and I struggle,

and frankly I know that most people will leave and it’ll take a lot for me to believe that someone would want me forever.

I’m not enough of a reason, because I’m human, and eventually I’ll fail.

Eventually I won’t do it right,

I’ll let him down,

I will disappoint.

I’m not enough.

But God?...

God is enough.

And love

is enough.

And I guess when God told me to love, I realized that to do so effectively, I had to be willing to fight all the things in my life that hinder love.

I would have to fight my fear, my insecurities, my struggles, because God told me to love, and in order to obey, I have to fight.

And I guess one day I believe that someone will be willing to love me.

But they will see that I only have two hands,

two hands that I can either stretch out to embrace all the Lord puts in my life,

or can be weighed down with the responsibility of keeping his attention;

But they are not strong enough to do both.

They were not meant to be.

I was given two hands,

But for only one purpose.

Love is a choice.

It is not something I can earn because I am human and it is perfect.

Love is a gift that must be freely given, and anything else is a lie.

It is not love.

So I do believe, someday, there will be someone who will choose to love me.

Not because of me,

but because of Him.

I look forward to meeting that man, and knowing I’ll be safe in his love because it won’t be dependent on me.

It won’t be dependent on me,

or my actions,

or my ability to please him,

or that expectation that I will.

But instead,

it will be dependent on God.

And God never fails.

So

just as I will never have a reason to give up my fight,

he will never have a reason to give up his.