Preparing to Leave the Nest

Today was the three day mark…

Three days until I leave…

I’ve been excited about the idea of college for over a year now. It’s the beginning of so many things! Good things. 

But all of the sudden, it’s here. I had a month of camp in July, and it flew by, and now the days are racing and I can’t quite seem to hold on… I can’t hold on to my family, as we’re laughing around the dinner table… I can’t hold on to my friends, as they’re telling me little things about their life and I’m holding their hands in prayer… I can’t hold on to the young man I’m in a relationship with, when he creates a story out of nothing, just to make me smile. I can’t hold on. I know I’ll come back home in a few months, I’ll be home for breaks, but…

I’ll miss so many nights with my family, laughing around the dinner table. I’ll miss the look in my friends’ eyes that make me ask if they’re okay. I’ll miss moments that could turn into silly stories with my fellow… Though I’ll come back, I will miss so much while I’m gone.

And then there’s the fear of fitting in while I’m gone. I mean, right now I’m surrounded by people who both know and love me. I’m about to go somewhere that I’m not known at all.

Since third grade, I haven’t been in a formal classroom setting. Sure, we went to a homeschooling co-op, but I was being taught by my friends’ moms! And I’m about to go to a pretty huge college to be taught in a classroom full of a ridiculous amount of people, where, if I don’t make the effort to know my professor, I can easily just… not be known.

I’m living with two other girls that I barely know.

I’m gonna try to get a job at some point.

I’m going to be in charge of my own… well, almost everything!

It’s all so new.

And I’m pretty uneasy…

My Mama and I recently went to buy college things. I got a comforter, two sets of sheets, a desk lamp, an iron and tiny ironing board, a plastic set of drawers, and a handful of other strange things to make my college dorm my own. Aqua became my color!  And it was so much fun to be with Mama… But during the time of picking out the things I needed from the mass amount of comforters, sheet sets, lamps, and countless other things calling out to me; I began to almost panic. The uneasiness became truly real…

Today was the day I said goodbye to most everyone. My friends, my church, my fellow… It was hard… I cried a little, then decided to Man-up and wait until I cannot keep from crying to let go and finally cry. Right now though, I’m in a state of emotional stuffing, and I’m perfectly happy with it. Until the stress of everything hits me and I once again revert back to my Mommy-Daughter-Shopping-Day Panic.

And it is at this point that I have to decide to either let myself go into a mental world of stress while entertaining the unknowns of this next experience or to fight the unknowns, the stress, and allow God to quiet my soul. Sometimes, like today, it takes longer for me to give it up and allow God in. A couple times a tear or two fill my eyes before I blink them away and allow Him to remind me that this is His plan for me. I’m going where He wants me to be.He has lead me this far, and He will walk with me through every door during orientation. He will stand beside me as I shake every hand. He will calm my escaping tears when it’s too late to be awake on September the 12^th, knowing my little sister turned 15 and I won the good sister award by being 6 hours away.

He will keep me safe, when I’m not surrounded by the safety of my whole group of friends, and I’m alone.

And now, at this point, that uneasiness seems… altogether silly. Because though I’m leaving my home, my family, and my friends who have become like family, I’m going with the One Who has planned this whole thing!

I’ve never been in a better place, because I’m following the Leader who knows the answers to all of my uncertainties. Though it is new to me, it is nothing of the sort to Him.

And this time next year, I will be that much closer to being the person He has created me to be. And that?

That is exciting.